Is God Out There?

why is it that the days that I pray for nothing but
for god to fill me up I feel the most abandoned by him?

I need Jesus this morning. I don't know where he is:


I am so far from you right now.
I can't possibly know
what are you doing lord
where this path should go
my heart is full of empty
my love runs on the main
my life is turned and twisted
and I can't feel again
this pain inside my heart lord
why cant you make it go
this fear inside my heart lord
please take it from me low

you, you are the only one
who can walk me through this hell
but I don't know where to find you.
I don't know how to tell

where are you my god, my jesus
where is your loving hand
where is this safety net you hung for me

where Is my bird in hand?

I found Rob

I found Rob Bells teachings one night after being up too late and surfing the interent for way too long. He was teaching through a series called "mastering the art of living". It has shaped me since. that was about 4 years ago ( i think ). I have been walking around with his words stuck in my head and randomly repeating things he has said along my way. It was a 14 part teaching, that challenged the way we see life. or i guess it challenged the way i see life. After struggling for years to understand why my faith in a god has been so hard to define, understand, live through, and explain. this introduction into a new way of thinking about life and faith, and how they should go hand in hand and not be so difficult was freeing and hopeful. I constantly walk around hearing the words come from rob's mouth, about being "fully present". Where is this little rant going, I don't know. Tonight i have spent too much time wondering around the interent, and it reminded me of the night that i first came accross mr. bell's teaching. I needed to hear what he had to say then. I need to hear that now i guess.

if you've not been introduced to rob bell, try the Mars Hill Bible Church (grand rapids) podcast. or check out nooma.com. He's not jesus, nor does he think he's jesus, but he's got great perspective. He has helped me see the story of the bible in a new and enlightning way.